Are you interested in watching a movie about a narcissistic genius with an incredible goatee?
If the answer to the question is above is yes. Then go watch Iron Man 1 and if you hate yourself watch the other two.
After you’re done doing all that you can watch my least favorite Marvel movie since Thor 2.
*my comment section after I slander Dr.Strange*
This doesn’t mean Dr.Strange was a bad movie. Saying this is not your favorite movie in a list which is comprised of Avengers 2, The Winter Soldier, Civil War, Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man isn’t akin to blasphemy. It’s kind of like saying that Hawk-Eye is the worst Avenger. That doesn’t mean Hawk-Eye isn’t cool, but it just means that he’s less cool than the coolest.
So before I’ burnt at stake for heresy by the fanboys hear me out for a second.
The MCU has become so large and complex that they need to start updating their proprietary algorithm that they use to make all of these films. I wrote about how Guardians are the JV avengers. Now I am going to write about how Dr. Strange is Iron Man 2.0.
The reason why I call the Doctor Iron Man 2.0 is because of the fact that they are both the same person expect one is in a metal suit and the other one has a sentient cape (both of which are red #staywoke). Like I said up top they both are huge dicks that think they’re the center of the universe that were severely physically impaired. In addition to this, they both share a will they won’t day sexual tension with a fair-haired assistant that endures them even with their sever character flaws. If the fans are curious as to how Tony Stark would look if Marvel ever wanted to go with his alcoholic story line (which they never will) it would look exactly like the first act of this movie.
The second piece of evidence that I’d like to submit to the court is a picture of both the goatee’s worn by both characters.
(yes I am being serious)
In all seriousness, Strange and Stark share the same rebellious and curious nature which leads them to miss trust people in a position of power. Iron Man does this when he hacks S.H.I.E.L.D and Strange does this when he reads more books than he should (#badass).
Because these two hombres are so alike, I am just going to call Benedict Cumberbatch from now on Strange Man.
So Strange Man along with his trusted sidekick 12 years a spell is trained by the last Airbender to fight yet another underdeveloped and underwhelming villain. But unlike those other stooges before him [insert generic bad guy here] this dude has some wicked eyeshadow.
To save the world, Strange Man has to use the plot of Edge of Tomorrow to beat another weird space looking person. By channeling the power of Vine, Strange Man manages to annoy the bad guy into submission. Which really goes to show you that the most powerful force in the universe isn’t an infinity stone, nor is it greed, lust or rage, but merely pure unadulterated annoyance.
The Green Lanterns should really make a ring for that.
To be fair, this movie had some nice things going on. I like how some of the fight scenes were just inception on steroids. I really thought the last battle was the most original one that Marvel has ever made. All the actors in this movie were great even though 12 years a spell was overacting just a tiny weeny bit at times. I really enjoyed the character development of Strange because most of the MCU characters are relatively static. So seeing someone hit rock bottom was a nice change of pace. The plot was solid, and this movie was solid, but it’s not nearly as great as the other MCU movies in recent years.
Okay now that I’m done kissing babies time to get into what everyone is talking about. We know who won the Civil War but there is another war in the MCU that has been raging on that hasn’t received even a modicum of attention.
The War of goatees.
The answer is, of course, Hank Pym.
Things I like and don’t like:
The world is in danger all the time: The world has an extinction level event every three weeks or so in the MCU. If you extend this to Agents of Shield as well in the span of just a couple of years, the world was in danger of being destroyed on six different occasions.
Subtle references: Before Strange got his hands destroyed he was asked to do the operation on someone with spinal damage in a weird armor suit. Which as you guys probably know is War Machine. A couple of seconds after rejecting this case he got into a car crash. Which goes to show you. Don’t fuck with Don Cheadle.
LSD trips in movies: That trip that strange went on was 3 minutes longer than it should have been. We get it the universe is not what we think it is.
This new logo intro: The times they are a changing but man, can’t we stick with the old one?
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